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Stress Management

Three AYT Methods of Stress Management

Disclaimer: Remember that each of these methods have their context specific merits and uses as well as their flaws. There is no "best method" or "right way" to handle irritating or aversive stimuli – the only "right" or "best" method for YOU is whichever makes sense to YOU, seems doable to YOU and works for YOU. If you struggle to identify ways you might use any of these to grow in the way you'd like, consult a professional or someone you know who might like to help you reach your goals.


Without further ado, a story.

Years ago I was working on a project to reduce my own frequency of melt-downs, sensory overload, and frantic panics. Lots of different methods recommended by lots of different sources all had varying effects in various contexts, but after a while a few patterns seemed to emerge.

Since then I've frequently (and even recently) consulted with other professionals, as well as individuals on the spectrum, to gather even more information about which methods work well when — and why.

During that time years ago when I was working to reduce my own melt-downs, sensory overload, and other ways in which irritating stimuli were negatively impacting my life, a strange thing started to happen — it worked!

Fast forward to several months after I'd started this effort. I was in school, while working a part-time job at a clothing store in a local mall. For me, that job wasn't about the money (which was good because it paid very little) instead it was about the experience — specifically the experience of handling a high-paced, customer-intensive, over stimulating environment.

I was not good at it.

I did not handle the stress well.

But I wasn't there because I handled stress well — I was there because I didn't: and my next step in the greater project of reducing my melt-downs and sensory overload was to gent into the fray and the thick of it — to test out these methods of stress handling that I'd been reading so much about for the past several months, and know which ones were going to work best for me.

One day in particular stands out in my memory. I'd woken up shortly after dawn, walked to the bus stop, and ridden a crowded bus to the local community college. With the eagerness to further test my stress management methods I sat through several hours of classes before riding another bus to the local mall for work. After an especially long shift of helping a few customers, stocking shelves, closing the store and being part of the team to rearrange our entire lay-out, I stepped onto the bus home an hour or two after midnight.

To say this day had given my stress management project a significant test, would be an understatement.

I was exhausted.

My mind was like mush, my body ached, and my spirit was drained.

As the bus rocked to and fro I had not even one ounce of effort left to think myself into a stress management meditation.

So I sat there, in silence, with my sunglasses on at night, feeling the rocking and swaying of the bus rumbling down the road.

The rocking and swaying...

All sensation and color and whirlwind and noise of the day seemed to melt away as the bus rumbled along the road. ...rocking and swaying...

I opened my eyes and looked around the mostly empty midnight bus, and was surprised to find myself feeling less overwhelmed, having less desire to scream or collapse than I had a few minutes earlier — even though nothing had changed in those minutes, I was not meditating, I was not sitting still, I was not alone and I was not in silence — all things which I'd always thought I needed when I was feeling overwhelmed.

Then an idea came to me in a moment of realization!

You've probably guessed it already by now: it was the motion of the bus rocking and swaying! It was exactly like the self-soothing behavior of rocking back and forth in ones seat. Even the most basic of my stress reactions: rocking back and forth in that characteristically autistic way, was still just as useful as any mindfulness meditation I might be working on mastering.

That day I learned an important lesson — that even the simpler, less elegant and more natural methods of handling stress, sensory overload and melt-downs should have a place in the play book — there is no "right" answer, only the answer that's right for YOU in that unique moment. And from then on I continued to explore each one.

Here below are my findings — in the categories I've found most similar, with the names I find most accurately descriptive. I've got basic descriptions of each stress management technique, as well as how I understand them to work, plus reference to intermediate and more advanced versions of nearly all of the techniques.

I hope you find something in here relevant to you and your family!



Method 1: Reducing, Removing or Escaping the Stimulus

This is the simplest and most reliable way to handle stress.

Leaving a room when it gets too crowded, covering your ears when a loud car drives by, retiring for the day once you've reached your maximum of activity; these are all examples of reducing, removing or escaping from an irritating stimulus.

A few of my favorites include:

The above are just a few of many ways to reduce, remove or escape from irritating stimuli. In my experience the best way to do so is with dignity — to unabashedly and unapologetically attend to your own needs to handle an over-stimulating environment. Afterward it is polite to have a follow up dialogue with any affected loved ones. This dialogue is not you explaining yourself, but rather giving them a chance to understand you better.

This is the gist of reduction, removal and escape as a stress management solution.

Like many simple solutions, this option has it's limitations — or rather this stress management method as your only stress management tool imposes severe limitations on your ability to enjoy and experience life.

This technique can mitigate your exposure to stress, but it will also mitigate your exposure to valuable experiences which may also coincide with stress, or which may only be available in conjunction with stressful stimuli.

At your own discretion I recommend you expand your tool kit of stress management methods and techniques beyond this one. Your own personal preference will determine what manner of stress management is appropriate and necessary for you.

If you are a person who would like to struggle less with stimuli such as crowded rooms, long days, loud noises and distracting sounds, I recommend you review my notes and pursue your own personal exploration of the following stress management methods and techniques.

P.S. A much more advanced technique for reducing, removing and escaping a troubling stimulus is to confront and influence the source of that stimulus. We've omitted constructed confrontation from this list of 12 methods and techniques due to limitations on time and scope, but it is worth mentioning in passing here.



Method 2: Endurance and Cool-down

In contrast to reducing or removing the irritating stimulus is the option to build one's endurance to it.

This does not mean pushing yourself to become overwhelmed. This does not mean being unkind to your own sensitivities. This does not mean triggering yourself cruelly.

Building up a tolerance means that you slowly and steadily, with a gentle heart, give yourself an extra few seconds to focus on an irritating stimulus after you would have otherwise fled from it. This method is inspired by the training practices of athletes, musicians, and students of various mental-performance domains.

Only use this on a particular stimulus which you want to no longer be bothered by.

Begin by finding that stimulus — knowing how long you can comfortably endure it. Once you've reached your limit — hold your focus for an extra three seconds.

I should tell you that one instance of this method alone will not give you immunity to an irritating stimulus, or one that contributes to a melt-down. This method is like brushing your teeth or exercising: doing it once will make no difference for you, but doing it repeatedly in small moments several times per week or even daily can make a significant difference.

Each of us must create their own timeline, and trust themselves to measure and prescribe incremental increases to stimulus tolerance. As a template, here below is a list of my steps — though this varies significantly between any of many stimuli I'm working on.

1) Study your own levels of irritation for this stimulus — In what context does it irritate you? How intensely? For how long? Measure both the intensity and duration of the stimulus to impact you as well as for how long and how intensely it continues to effect you.

2) Use the above information to descide how best to slowly and gently encounter a lower-intensity of this stimulus in a setting that you control.

3) Once you've reached the edge of your comfort zone with this stimulus (well before being overwhelmed by it) — hold your focus there for an extra three seconds.

4) Once you're able to manage an extra three seconds, try an extra ten seconds.

5) Once you're handling an extra ten seconds, try twenty-two seconds.

6) Once twenty-two seconds is manageable, try fifty-seconds

7) After fifty-seconds try 1.5 minutes.

8) After 1.5 minutes try two minutes, then three, then five, then eight, then thirteen minutes, then more than twenty. From then on add minutes and extend the duration of time as you feel appropriate and ready to do.

9) After you can effectively manage the irritating stimulus for a as long as you'd like, try a few experiments to increase the intensity of the stimulus.

In conclusion: Once again, I need to emphasize that this method is both difficult and not comfortable. You'll need to balance being kind to yourself while slowly shifting your stimulus-specific comfort level. If you struggle to identify what that means for you in a healthy way, find someone you trust who has your best interest at heart and ask them to help coach you through this method — exactly like finding a personal trainer, or a friend who goes to the gym, before you begin a work-out regiment if that regiment seems difficult to manage.

P.S. Any instance of using this method to build stress endurance DEPENDS on following a cool-down, de-stressing relaxation sequence after.



Method 3: Frontal Cortex Shut Down
(Rocking, Jumping, Flapping of hands)

This method is often the natural behavior when a person on the spectrum feels. Rocking and flapping hands are both natural expressions of stress which seem to ease frustration by moving the focus from one part of the brain to another. The physical motion of rocking the body or flapping the hands activates the rear regions of the brain, thus taking activity out of the overloaded frontal cortex which is responsible for decision-making, social interactions and processing for stimuli, as well as several other functions related to sensory overload and melt-downs.

This was the type of stress relief that I felt on that bus.

Since this high-stress day and stress relief break-through I've explored this concept extensively — finding the best ways. Rather than overt rocking or flapping — which draw unwanted social attention during a time of mild crisis — the same brain activity can be through subtler motions (a refined version of rocking and flapping) of simply flexing core muscles, taping a foot or finger, riding in a rumbling vehicle, or anything else really — so long as the focus is maintained toward the motion and not toward the stress felt in the moment.

This refined body-rocking and hand-flapping is something I still use today either at work or at home — though it does take a bit of practice to cultivate this mechanism, I highly recommend it.

COMING SOON: PAGE 2 with MORE STRESS MANAGEMENT METHODS! ! !


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