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AYT - Defenses Against Malevolence

Does this sound familiar: "I'm not wrong! You're wrong!"

I had an encounter with someone recently. Our interaction went something like this:

Me: "Hey buddy, just fyi you stepped on my wife's foot"

Him: "How dare you talk to me about feet!?! Who are you to tell me where to step!!! I will step wherever I like!?! Do NOT talk to me like that again!"

This wasn't a random stranger. And this wasn't about feet. That's a play-by-play of the exchange, using "stepping on feet" as a simpler example of the actual offense that took place in a more complicated social context.

When you inform someone they've accidentally committed an offense, you might expect a rational person would respond something like an apology, or an explanation, perhaps an offer to correct the offense. This person did not. They responded with indignation and contempt because they are not a rational person. They responded by telling me how wrong I was - because A) They consider "making a mistake" as an attack, and B) Since I told him he'd made a mistake - to his irrational mind I was attacking him, and C) He needed to attack back, by D) Telling me I'd made a mistake.

You may have heard a toddler say something like: "I'm not wrong, you're wrong!" which is the kind of nonsense we'd expect from toddlers.

But why is it so dangerous when these toddlers become children who become adults who never learn to improve themselves by sincere helpful identification of their errors? Let me explain by starting with a reference to a very old story:

In ancient myths (e.g. the story of Horus, Osiris, Set) this is Set - which ushers in the collapse of a civilization. Hopefully we aren't seeing that pattern play out these days as politicians continue a "I'm not wrong, your wrong" style of addressing concerns of the public.

I saw another example of this argument style in an episode of a popular podcast. Two men are addressing their two differing arguments on an issue. One man presents no argument in favor of his own point but is just attacking the man on the other side for every mistake he can find. Mostly because the first man is defending against criticism of his documentary he'd made. But never does he give any thought to the criticisms (that would be rational, he's not in the mindset to use a rational argument style) he's only striving to prove the person who critiqued him is wrong. Because being wrong is something to be punished (according to the diseased thinking of an irrational mind). And he escalated this argument style to the greatest strength it can be - using someone's words against them.

Why is that a problem? Why is this pattern so evil?

Because it is a Satanic form of argument.

(Or rather, it's a sufficiently evil mode of thinking that we see it represented by Satan and Set in ancient stories - it's not "evil because it matches the behavior of Satan" but rather, "we can infer some ancient wisdom recognizing sufficient evil within it to show this as the behavior of Satan")

Seriously. When someone doesn't base their own argument on ideas, but twists your own words against you - they don't bring forth anything into creation, they just try to corrupt an argument created by someone else.

In all the stories, what does Satan want? Rebellion? Sure, but not only that, Satan wants to turn humanity (and all creation) against God. Remember, all creation comes form "the word" of God; therefore a "Satanic argument" is one that seeks to turn the words of the speaker against the speaker. This argument is not about becoming more right - Satan knows he isn't right, and people who use this argument believe in their heart that they are intrinsically wrong, so they don't bother with the details of the critique. They only want to say "I'm not wrong. You're wrong!" because they don't have any defense. They don't have any rightness. They will never correct their mistakes. They will only attack you with your mistakes - and they relish turning your words against your concept of truth.

They truly do not understand the concept of correction of mistakes. They only understand mistakes as pain/things for punishment.

They probably have some kind of tragic childhood or young adult story (e.g. imagine if a child is taught to recognize their mistakes and taught to do better next time - they grow up to be a well adjusted human capable of correction. Instead imagine a child is still taught how to notice their mistakes, but instead of being taught how to do better later, the child is only taught how bad they are for the mistake.

They become this type of arguer, or fall into this Satanic argument style, or become a disease on a functional society because it is a necessary survival adaptation. No person (healthy or otherwise) wants to be constantly wrong. Since these people grew up with an excessively loud and close message (probably from parents) that everything they did was wrong, AND since they were never taught how to correct toward rightness - they instead figure out how to twist their perception of reality.

Punishment is a completely appropriate tool in learning, and when a child gets raised with more punishment than is appropriate, that child grows up to be an adult who is stubborn, critical of others, unwilling to improve themselves, and incapable of acknowledging their shortcomings).

They truly can not comprehend critiques as anything but an attack. They can't even think of their own mistakes without needing to immediately react defensively.

Regardless of their tragic childhood, they deserve no pity. These children grow up to become monsters. NPD is what it's called. You can pity a vampire for the terrible thing that made them that way - and yet your pity will not stop them from making you a victim. It will probably make it easier. Pity them if you must so you can heal, but reserve for them the cruelty of your heart against a predator who wishes only for your destruction.

The only way to beat them is to detach from them. Do not expect to beat these monsters at any of the games they play.

Maybe they were once an innocent child. That doesn't matter anymore. Now they are only a monster who will drain you of your life.

Steer clear of these. You can't save them. They are constantly fearful of someone pointing out their mistakes and they are ready to attack you viciously with a long list of every mistake you've ever made. They are like caged animals, and they don't know it because they have no concept of what it's like to not be caged. Telling them they are safe and loved (once they're over the age of about 33) will do nothing because they honestly, from the bottom of their heart do not know what those words mean.

And if you are one of these, get help from a qualified mental health practitioner. Get help now, sooner than later. Make peace with your mistakes (big as well as small) after you learn the concept of what making peace truly means (not just twisting perceptions) the process will take years. It will be excruciating and it's an investment in making the world a better place.

I have seen some people like this used their own constant need for approval and their own fear of mistakes to transform themselves into leaders of charitable foundations and advocacy groups. "Benevolent narcissists" if possible. To everyone who is only a passing acquaintance these people are do-gooders who seek praise from their community but are never satisfied. That's an engine that never runs out of fuel. Perhaps they could do endless good because they aren't actually satisfied from doing good - they take no delight in helping others, they take delight in the social praise they get from acquaintances who see them helping others - and that delight is not true delight, but only a momentary respite from their constant fear of being punished for their mistakes.

Benevolent though their net effect may be, I know they still have it in them to be demonically abusive in their closer, more intimate circles of social connections.

Benevolent narcissists are still bad news for those closest to them, but they can do some good for the larger society. And with some qualified help, and with their own noble intentions to not let anyone get close enough to them to be harmed, maybe these people can find a constructive place in society.

I hope they can.

For the rest of us; steer clear.

This pattern of behavior is so detrimental to society, communities, families, and individuals because it is an irresponsible way to argue a point - attacking an opposing idea only, rather than offering an alternative idea that is more accurate or complete or functional.

We see this in the behaviors of people who have come to be called 'Karen's', or most of the higher-level political personalities on both sides of the aisle, and particularly by President Trump - you'll never hear any of these people say "I was wrong, I can do better next time by..." They never say that.

When presented with anyone telling them they're wrong, Trump, and Karen's, and most other sound-byte-politicians responds with "I'm not wrong, YOU'RE wrong!" Or points to a third party, saying "I'm not wrong, THEY'RE wronger!"

These people who argue this way do not carry a productive or beneficial intention in their hearts. This argument style resembles a caged animal, and like a cornered beast, they have no intention of building anything better, they simply are lashing out when they are under attack. Their minds, like a caged animal, are beast-like - one might say this lashing-out argument style is the mark of someone who feels like a cornered beast (the 'mark of a beast' in other words).

When a person argues in this way they are, at least for a moment, under the influence of Satan, and they should not be trusted until they're capable of repentance, of saying "I was wrong, and I'll seek to do better."

If you find yourself in this argument pattern, then you know you've done something wrong that needs correcting, you've spotted a place where you're not doing right, and you know it in your honest heart. Take that as a victory and make the corrections you need toward rightness. And if you find someone in this pattern, expect that they will never admit it (check out this link to a good NPD resource) you just need to leave them be, and incrementally give them less and less prominence in your life as quickly as possible.

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